Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
