I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
