i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
