Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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