Already got asked if we're dating
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
