dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So many bounce houses so little time
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
