Buhtt sex?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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