a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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