she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm just crazy horny about you
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
