I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
