It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
