Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
