Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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