her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
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I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
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Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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