Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
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He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
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did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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