I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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