My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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