I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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