I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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