her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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