He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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