i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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