i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
