What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
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so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
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I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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