How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
