just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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