You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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