these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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