Nicole vs. Life
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
