Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
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