OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
