rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
