Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
