I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
