he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
