I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
