He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
