Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
