no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
