a queef is a wish your heart makes.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I would ride that face into the sunset
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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