Please don't use social media to get back at me.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
