belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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