Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
