They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
