You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
