it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
