I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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