maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
never play flip cup with pint glasses
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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