..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
