I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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