Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize