He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
