He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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