I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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