Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
pop tarts are not kleenex
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
