Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
