Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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