WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize