I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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