i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
