Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
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do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
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Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize