this beer tastes like vomit already
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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