I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
