watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
