There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
